Sleep is a gift

Sleep is amazing. I thank god that he created sleep. I love sleep. Unfortunately, I can't remember the last time I slept through the night. I don't sleep much. I have insomnia. It makes people a bit loony to be honest. I only know one other person with it. He's an interesting character. Not loony. Not at all. I guess it actually only makes me a little loony. I find his views on life interesting. He has always been there for me and has been like a older brother to me. In my eyes, anyway. When I permanently fell out with my best friend, who happened to be the only person I felt I could talk to, I was alone. But, because of one stupid, tired self, I managed to slip up and send a personal message to him by mistake. He was more understanding than I thought he would be. He promised he wouldn't tell anyone and was full of support and advice. I also think crying is a gift. You may think 'how is that so?' but I happen to know what it's like to not be able to cry. I can't cry. This is for reasons I don't understand, some of which I'm sure are phsycological, but the only reason I can think of is that when I was younger, I got it into my head that crying was pathetic, but as it turns out I really feel it would come in handy right about now. I took a walk earlier today you see, (or yesterday) I had to talk my mum into letting me get out the car as it was about 10.30, but in the end she gave in and asked why. I couldn't tell her of course because it's the kind of stuff I would only tell my ex-friend and this guy. I just felt like sitting down and crying. Again, I wish I could tell you the reasons for this but it's the same for you as it was for my mother. When I realized no matter how hard I tried, I wouldn't be able to cry, it made me mad. I could feel the pull of my mind dragging me towards the road. 'The world would be fine without me' I thought quietly to myself. I wasn't going to do that of course. If it was only me I had to worry about, I probably wouldn't be writing this right now but I thought killing myself was selfish, and in doing so my mother would be in a state and the people I recently acted weird around might feel bad because they thought they might have in some way be able to prevent it, but just for future reference, they wouldn't have. So finally, I sat down under a tree, got my phone out and texted the only person I could talk to. It made me feel much better. Now, back onto the subject of sleep, I must try because sleep will give up in the end and leave completely. I am grateful for the people in this world we can turn to, sleep, crying, ice cream and the wonders of texting.
Sleep well - Buttercup.